Contested elections can be an envigorating thing, but they always make me nervous. Perhaps it is because I usually lost contested elections in high school. The one exception was the year that I beat a basketball star for the post of Treasurer of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. (Yes, I can sense your snide remarks!) It could also be that the contested elections I've seen as an adult have usually descended into bitterness, acrimony, and recriminations that last long after the vote has been held.
The chance for nastiness in the race to succeed me as President of the Young Democrats of Georgia was particularly high because of the participation of Brad Barnes who I believe has shown on more than one occassion in his home town an ability and eagerness to play dirty to get what he wants. In Rome, his manipulations were more easily successful, although even there, the only thing he truly won was control of his local chapter. That he was trying to take his "show" statewide alarmed me more than I can ever relay.
What's so wrong with Brad? When he first came around, we were thrilled to just have someone up in Rome, GA working with young democrats. He provided us with membership lists and always talked about different activities going on. There was no reason to not believe him at the time. My biggest wake-up call came at the Macon convention last year when Brad tried to derail all the reforms I was attempting to pass in how YDG was structured and operated. He did this despite having been part of the management group that worked with our consultant as part of the GO Grant. He knew why the reforms were happening, and he'd never raised a single objection. He also had ample opportunity to provide feedback at a Charter and Bylaws Convention or even via emails since I made no secret of my intentions. Yet, there he was, having not even bothered to show up to the Charter and Bylaws committee meeting at convention, challenging me on the floor and trying his damnedest to derail carefully considered reforms.
His behavior infuriated me, especially after he lost the argument when I got the 2/3 vote I needed to pass the reforms and then turned around and got himself elected as the North GA Regional Representative, a position he had just fought so hard to stop. However, I was aware now that Brad was secretive, not a team player, and would work to undermine my administration for whatever personal reasons he had.
It did not take long for Brad's behavior in Rome to become known to me. I received an official complaint from the Floyd County Democratic Party about a smear campaign being run by my Vice President of Membership, complete with affidavits and evidence. The thing was, the smears were carried about by my VP of Membership, but the whole plan was put together by Brad, who was smart enough to give him plausible deniability by leaving his direct fingerprints off the whole matter. There were threats of lawsuits being filed, but I quietly issued a reprimand to my VP of Membership and let the matter drop. No lawsuits were filed. The whole scandal was over a race for Clerk of Court, and Brad was trying to flex his muscles with the county party after he'd tried and failed to take them over. So his campaign spread smears and rumors about this poor man (who turned out to be the uncle of another officer at Georgia Tech, and the father of the UGA Finance Chair) and defeated him on primary election day.
It was around this time that actual elections were held for the Rome YD chapter, and it ended up that Brad lost control. Yet, he cried foul, screamed bloody murder, and spread lies about the subversion of democracy to demand an election do-over. The person who had beat him agreed just to end the raging controversy. Brad, however, was not finished with him yet. Part of his smear campaign against this guy was to spread rumors that he not only had AIDS but was trying to spread it and other STDs around the Rome area. Rome, GA is not a large city. The people with roots there know each other well, and it's a conservative area. Spreading these kinds of false rumors is bad enough in Midtown Atlanta where there are enough HIV+ people around that you can feel safe just living your life. But to spread this in a rural, conservative town? That was reckless and dangerous. I even had someone write out by hand that Brad had told him this specific rumor personally in case I ever needed it.
The "redo" election happened, and Brad got his brother to bus in all of his GOP-leaning friends, none of whom paid dues that anyone can tell. Brad got the treasurer of his group to refuse to allow his opponent to pay dues in an attempt to claim he wasn't a member of the chapter. In the end, Brad won back his chapter...and then promptly skipped the STATE to go work for Obama in Pennsylvania. He disappeared for months, and left his chapter so divided and ruined that they were useless in our #1 targeted state house district. Our candidate lost in a year he should have won, and if Brad hadn't destroyed his chapter for personal gain, it's likely the work that needed to be done by the YDs would have made the difference.
After that episode, I was done with Brad. He cares only about personal power and aggrandizement, doesn't follow established rules and procedures, shows a willingness to destroy whatever he can't control, and lies with an ease and casualness that exposes a very dark soul. I am no Polyanna when it comes to politics. You often have to fight hard, and rough, to get your way. But there is an unspoken code of conduct that people are expected to honor. Brad shows no willingness to follow any code of conduct at all. In fact, during the whole dust-up with the Clerk of Court primary there, I had more than one person from Rome tell me that Brad "is a cancer on the body politic." That's pretty serious. Usually, you hear opponents derided as idiots, dolts, assclowns, etc. But calling someone a CANCER ON THE BODY POLITIC takes it to whole new level that sends shivers down my spine. However, I have come to agree with that assessment.
This was the person who was trying to succeed me. Of course, true to form, he had no intention of announcing until the last minute. I suppose he thinks that no one talks to me about anything, or that I don't reach out to many different people to know what's going on in my organization and state. I suppose he thought I'd be caught by surprise at his announcement, or the rumors that he was going to bus in 60 people to vote for him. He even refused to participate in our room block at the hotel to keep us guessing.
After many discussions with many different people, I had decided to support Jane Bradshaw, my National Committeewoman, to succeed me. She has deep Georgia roots (over 7 generations), has worked as a paid member of a campaign staff as well as a paid legal counsel for the state House Democrats. She's bright, hard working, and understands the organization. She gets what the Young Voter Revolution is all about... empowering our generation and turning them into Democrats! She was an Obama delegate to the DNC in Denver last year, and people in the party know and like her. I felt that she was a strong contender to responsibily take over from me, and I wasn't alone. So Jane announced after I opened nominations, and seemingly ran unopposed while Brad was scurrying around the state whispering the mantra of "change" to undo the "cabal" in Atlanta that I had formed. Or something equally stupid.
Sure enough, Brad announced the last day of qualifying. He actually emailed me his declaration with 3 hours to spare, which did surprise me because I fully expected him to wait until 5-10 minutes before the deadline. I suppose he did not want to chance something happening in cyberspace to delay his email. Also at the last minute, George Seaborough, who had been our paid staffer in Savannah for the fall 2008 campaign, announced for Executive Vice President (EVP). I found that declaration strange since he had not spoken to anyone about running for anything. Usually, people do not just come out of the blue and announce for something without at least talking to others first. Turns out, he had talked... to Brad.
The campaign was mostly one of whispers, but luckily, enough people had had interaction with Brad that there was no way they would vote to turn the organization over to him. Still, I worried. Despite our best organizational efforts, it was possible to legally come in and take over the convention and work your will. We had to outdo Brad, and that's what we did. True to form, he didn't even follow the simple rules we had for convention. He did not turn in any credentials until the last minute, and I'm betting a good number of the people listed are not legitmate members, let alone Democrats.
On Friday, April 17, the convention opened. We had a rules meeting where we passed rules that would have prevented Brad from disrupting the convention. I had a Parliamentarian and the Judicial Council ready to respond to any controversies that Brad might stir up. Knowing how he craves his own aggrandizement, I had to prepare for about anything. It was like preparing for a trial! My legal education came in handy.
The "candidate debates" became a social after it was clear no one wanted to listen to speeches, and the candidates present were mingling. Of course, Brad and George (who by this time were running mates), showed up very late, and handed out plastic cups with their pictures plastered on them. As usual, Brad showed up looking like a slob. His weight is not the issue, because I have known many people who are much heavier than he is who managed to still look neat and put together. More often than not, Brad's idea of dressing up is a new pair of "stretchy pants" and a dress shirt that's untucked and usually has food stains on it.
George looked good and campaigned hard. I liked a lot of his ideas, but by hitching his wagon to Brad, he had destroyed any chance that many of us might have considered his candidacy seriously. When you associate with trash, the stink inevitably rubs off on you. But his opponent, Katie, is not a natural campaigner (which I COMPLETELY relate to) so there was anxiety that people would vote for Jane and then for George.
Saturday morning, I discovered my Credentials Chair was not going to make it. She had suggested that I use someone from her chapter to replace her. That I would not do, because I knew that a challenge had been filed regarding the Rome Chapter's credentials, should they ever be turned in. I was upset at first until I realized that I could appoint my predecessor in the Presidency, Billy Joyner. He has experience working through difficult issues like this through committee, and it turned out to be my best appointment.
Billy had control of the meeting from the start. A crowd had gathered, knowing that something big was likely to go down at the meeting. He methodically went through all the credentials, and gave people chances to correct and update them. Then he pulled out the challenged that had been written up earlier in the week outlining all the charges I've discussed earlier. The challenge asked that Rome's credentials be denied, which basically strips them of their charter. That is when all hell broke loose.
Carry from Savannah State (who now lives in Chattanooga) rose up to decry the charges, the attack on democracy, our lack of love for fellow democrats, etc. It was a loud, bravado performance that turned most people off. At first, Brad tried his wide-eyed innocent routine, and then he tried to throw my VP Membership under the bus by claiming he was shocked SHOCKED that such an underhanded thing had been done. But then my VP Membership stood up and implicated Brad quite clearly. It was at this point where Brad started demanding evidence of wrongdoing. That's usually what happens when we catch him in a lie, he goes from the doe-eyed innocent to a calculated stare and some variation of "You don't have the proof." It's interesting that he never denies it, but just states you don't have the evidence to tie him to anything.
What was happening in that room was a very public political humiliation. We did have evidence, which was printed and circulated... and everyone knew in their hearts that Brad was guilty as sin. As it got more heated, eventually the challenge was withdrawn. But the damage was done. Brad was exposed for the fraud he is.
After the meeting, Brad, face flushed with rage, asked me when I had found out about the charges. I casually told him that we'd received the challenge earlier in the week. He retorted, "And you didn't think you should notify me?" I looked at him and responded, "The challenge was addressed to me and the committee. I saw no reason to act on it until the committee met." Privately, I thought, "And why would I give you a heads up so that you could just craft more lies?"
By this time, we were heading to the floor of convention for General Session. We started off with general announcements and then committee reports. One big surprise for me was a resolution that thanked me for my service as President. It was very nice and flattering, and touched my heart. As it was announced, the convention gave me a standing ovation. I never expected such a show of thanks and love. I've never felt more appreciated in all my life. I'm usually not speechless, but I was at that point. I'm luckily, I didn't cry.
We saved Charter and Bylaws for last since that was the most controversial. We had two proposals for maps. One was a 5 region map that created two HUGE South Georgia districts and the other was a more equitable 6 region map. However, to get 6 regions with votes on Exec, we had to eliminate one of the 15 Exec votes that existed. The management consultant was pretty clear that going above 15 exponentially decreased the effectiveness of your board, so I felt the one most easy to get rid of was the rotating caucus vote. That was the part I knew would be controversial, and it was. We managed to table the discussion to move on to elections.
Luckily, President was voted first. As the votes came in, it was obvious that Brad was going to lose, and lose badly. Georgia Tech's chapter put Jane over the top, and she ended up winning 147-45. The only reason Brad got that many votes was due to the distance weights for himself, University of West GA, Chatham County, and Savannah State. But the will of the convention was clearly to reject him and his politics.
The next office was EVP. Atlanta chapter had decided to throw nearly all their votes to George to "punish" Katie for not supporting their guy for Regional Director. UPDATE: Apparently, I was misinformed. While Katie told Nikema she was not going to vote for Nikema's finance for Metro Atlanta Region Director, Nikema did not discuss that with the chapter or engineer a "punishment." Therefore, I stand corrected! UGA then had an unusually high number of abstentions that resulted in Katie being ahead at the end, but not enough to win. UGA then amended its vote to put Katie over the top.
The next move was for George to throw Haley Shank under the bus. She had recruited him to run for EVP because she didn't think Katie was a strong enough leader for EVP. Haley, however, could not attend convention due to being in a community place and was having to campaign from afar. That did not go well. Stephen Ratner from Emory was also running, but he was relatively new. Atlanta opened the floor and nominated George. He had previously promised to support Haley even if he lost, but he saw his chance and took it. He squeaked through to victory over Stephen, draining all votes that might have gone to Haley.
Daniel was unopposed for his office, but Savannah State, Chatham, and Rome decided to be bitchy and deny the convention the ability to elect by acclamation. They didn't bother putting up even a token candidate. They just made everyone go through role call as a way to "punish" Daniel. Talk about not knowing how to win friends and influence people. First, the screaming fit in Credentials, and now needlessly dragging out elections. The body was NOT pleased, and showed it by moving to have 1 minute voting periods (eventually became 5 seconds) for the uncontested races. I suppose they got satisfaction out of it, but they sure left a bad impression with everyone else.
When it came to Secretary, we also had a bit of drama. We knew the two declared candidates were nonstarters. One was Brad's minion from Rome, and the other was absent. We fully intended to nominate and elect from the floor. A guy from UGA named Carter offered himself as Secretary and we went with it. The interesting thing was that Brad's minion came up for his speech and withdrew trying to mumble about dirty politics or something. The result was that Carter won all but 10 votes.
Treasurer, National Commiteeman and National Committeewoman were all uncontested, but we slated them and then had a 5 second vote before sending forth vote totals for all three offices. The Savannah State-Chatham-Rome petulant section offered up varying degrees of "abstentions" to show displeasure. Apparently, Nikema was the one they liked best because she got the fewest abstentions.
Then we returned to the maps. Everyone was all up in arms as we broke into regions to discuss the maps and getting rid of the rotating caucus vote on Exec. The compromise was to open the slippery slope of adding a vote without taking one away. So now Exec has 16 votes on it. I didn't care as much in the end, although I found the arguments of "disenfranchisement" and "robbing the voice" of the caucuses to be childish and immature. In a fit of pique when I was approached by the Women's Caucus Chair about adjourning in time for her program, I snapped, "I don't know! I don't care. You can suck it." Not my proudest moment.
Then, it was over. We adjourned, went into regional caucus, and elected Regional Directors. But I had made it, and the right people had largely been elected. The unmitigated disaster of a Brad Barnes presidency was averted.
At dinner that night, I could finally relax. Senator Max Cleland was our featured speaker, and he was magnificant. We got to eat dinner with him, although there wasn't much talking at the table. Jane Kidd, the Democratic Part of Georgia chair, gave a very nice speech too. We also got to hear from two of our declared gubernatorial candidates. All in all, a very nice dinner.
We ended with awards. We had a nice slate of winners this year. Jason Chitwood from Cobb County was named YD Male of the Year. Nikema Williams was named YD Woman of the Year. UGA was named Chapter of the Year. Abraham Baldwin Agricultural College was named New Chapter of the Year. Cobb County was named Most Improved Chapter of the Year. Ed Hula won Jackass of the Year for an unprecedented 2nd time in a row, and the committee said he would not receive it again because it was unfair for "mere mortals to have to compete against a professional." Ed's not too happy about that. Finally, Democrat of the Year went to Juliana Illari, who was quite deserving of the honor.
I then started what I hoped would be a new tradition. I brought Jane up to the stage, and swore her in to office using the US Presidential oath as a template. People laughed when we got to the part about swearing to "preserve, protect and defend the charter and bylaws of the Young Democrats of Georgia", but the effect was just as I hoped. It was a clear and visible transition of power, and I ended it by bowing and saying, "Congratulations, Madam President" as I handed Jane the gavel, and gave her a bag with all the files, credit cards, IDs, etc that I had accumulated as President. I whispered that it was "the YDG Football". She got a kick out of that. Then Jane called up the other newly elected officers and swore them in too. I hope that tradition continues.
Tim had a surprise for me in his closing announcements when talking about the Leadership Academy. He talked about someone who had inspired him and had been not only a good friend but a good boss too. Then he and Jane presented me with a basket of goodies and a gorgeous, fabric bound book with a seal on it about Law in America that's largely legal history, but just the sort of thing I adore to read. I was completely touched by the gesture. I've never felt so good about myself in my whole life.
When I came into the Presidency two years ago at Jekyll Island, I simply wanted to continue the work we'd done in the last 5 years I'd been involved. Most of all, I wanted to NOT mess it up! I wanted to grow the Youth Voter Revolution as we planned. I tried to continue to run things by consensus without being afraid of acting on my own when necessary. If you were open and honest with me and worked as part of the team, things were good. For people like Brad, who wish to obstruct for the sake of obstruction, I had no tolerance. When you are a president, things you do will be questioned, and no one will be happy with you all the time. You'll even make a few enemies. I always acted with what I believed to be the best interests of the Young Democrats of Georgia. My needs or political ambitions did not matter. It was about building a youth political machine for Democrats....and we are starting to deliver. After two years, you'd expect many to be sick of me, but the honors they gave me with the gifts, the resolution, and the ovation, make me believe I did something right. I maybe even did a lot right, and I thank God for that. My worst nightmare would have been to disappoint everyone.
I have left the Young Democrats of Georgia in good hands. Our work will continue, and it will continue to succeed.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Thursday, April 02, 2009
The Love Hypothesis
Recently, I had a conversation with someone who posited the following hypothesis:
Love is about control. That which you control and dominate, you tend to love. Likewise, that which dominates and controls you, you also tend to love.
I found this hypothesis to be instantly repugnant at first. It seemed to violate something deep within my soul. Yet, I was unable to articulate why. My friend went on to give the example of a dog. There is no reason for people to love their dogs, or the dogs to love us. We love our dogs because we absolutely control and dominate them. Our dogs, in turn, love us because we dominate and control their existance.
I understood where the philosophy came from, and I hated to admit that there did seem to be some validity to it. I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was being left out of this Love Hypothesis. I have quietly reflected on the matter for days, and I am convinced that the original hypothesis is too cold and simplistic to boil down a concept like love so easily.
Going with the pet motif, I offer the example of a cat. Before I rile up any cat lovers, I know they make wonderful pets, and some are quite loving, etc. More often than not, though, cats tend to be solitary creatures, often ignoring their "masters" unless it's time to be fed, watered, or have the kitty litter changed. Even with kitty litter, sometimes, Kitty will simply take a dump on the master's bed to show displeasure. Cats clearly do not love their humans like a dog does, although they seem to recognize that humans control the food supply. Still, if the Love Hypothesis as stated was correct, cats would adore their humans as much as dogs do.
So what's missing? I think it is true that when we dominate and control something, we have a tendency to love it. I also think it's true that if you are dominated or controlled by someone, you tend to love that as well. Think of the Stockholm syndrome where a kidnap victim starts to identify with his/her captors and behave in ways that would indicate to most of us having a "love" for those captors.
The Love Hypothesis is missing the characteristic of emotional intimacy. This is the idea that it is safe to make yourself vulnerable to another person. If you simply love someone because you dominate and control them, it does not follow that you are emotionally intimate. In fact, there would be no reason to be emotionally intimate since that would threaten your control. I suggest that love based through domination and control is not love for that person at all; it is merely love of the situation. You love BEING controlled or CONTROLLING another person. You are not emotionally intimate with them, so you cannot really LOVE the person at all. You don't even really know the person in those situations.
When I think of love, I do not think of control unless it's in a fluid sense within the relationship. Sometimes you will control things, and other times, the other person. When you both try to control, conflict can occur, and you have to negotiate that. What makes love worthwhile to me is knowing that someone has my back, knows my secrets and still thinks I'm a good person to be with, and with whom I can be emotionally vulnerable and know that it is safe to do so.
That last part is the real kicker for me. I find it difficult to trust that a love interest is not going to use my vulnerability against me. I also find it hard to trust that such a person is being "real" with me, and returning the favor of emotional trust. Part of this is through personal experience, and some of it comes from watching what has happened to friends. For me, to really be in love with someone, I have to feel completely comfortable that he is not going to just leave me on a whim. I need to know in my heart that even when I mess up badly, he will still love me (even though he might be really angry with me for a while) and will not abandon me lightly. And I would want him to know the same thing about me. It's much like how I feel about my family. I know they will be there for me and love me no matter what. Even when if I did something horrible, they wouldn't abandon me. That's a real comfort, especially in a world where it's so easy to feel alone and isolated.
So, I would add emotional intimacy to the mix to explain love. The domination piece can and does play a role, but that alone cannot explain why people love. You have to be able to expose your innermost self without fear of ridicule, betrayal, or descruction. That goes for the "dominant" person in the relationship as well as the "submissive" person, and it goes double for relationships where neither person really dominates.
Love is about control. That which you control and dominate, you tend to love. Likewise, that which dominates and controls you, you also tend to love.
I found this hypothesis to be instantly repugnant at first. It seemed to violate something deep within my soul. Yet, I was unable to articulate why. My friend went on to give the example of a dog. There is no reason for people to love their dogs, or the dogs to love us. We love our dogs because we absolutely control and dominate them. Our dogs, in turn, love us because we dominate and control their existance.
I understood where the philosophy came from, and I hated to admit that there did seem to be some validity to it. I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was being left out of this Love Hypothesis. I have quietly reflected on the matter for days, and I am convinced that the original hypothesis is too cold and simplistic to boil down a concept like love so easily.
Going with the pet motif, I offer the example of a cat. Before I rile up any cat lovers, I know they make wonderful pets, and some are quite loving, etc. More often than not, though, cats tend to be solitary creatures, often ignoring their "masters" unless it's time to be fed, watered, or have the kitty litter changed. Even with kitty litter, sometimes, Kitty will simply take a dump on the master's bed to show displeasure. Cats clearly do not love their humans like a dog does, although they seem to recognize that humans control the food supply. Still, if the Love Hypothesis as stated was correct, cats would adore their humans as much as dogs do.
So what's missing? I think it is true that when we dominate and control something, we have a tendency to love it. I also think it's true that if you are dominated or controlled by someone, you tend to love that as well. Think of the Stockholm syndrome where a kidnap victim starts to identify with his/her captors and behave in ways that would indicate to most of us having a "love" for those captors.
The Love Hypothesis is missing the characteristic of emotional intimacy. This is the idea that it is safe to make yourself vulnerable to another person. If you simply love someone because you dominate and control them, it does not follow that you are emotionally intimate. In fact, there would be no reason to be emotionally intimate since that would threaten your control. I suggest that love based through domination and control is not love for that person at all; it is merely love of the situation. You love BEING controlled or CONTROLLING another person. You are not emotionally intimate with them, so you cannot really LOVE the person at all. You don't even really know the person in those situations.
When I think of love, I do not think of control unless it's in a fluid sense within the relationship. Sometimes you will control things, and other times, the other person. When you both try to control, conflict can occur, and you have to negotiate that. What makes love worthwhile to me is knowing that someone has my back, knows my secrets and still thinks I'm a good person to be with, and with whom I can be emotionally vulnerable and know that it is safe to do so.
That last part is the real kicker for me. I find it difficult to trust that a love interest is not going to use my vulnerability against me. I also find it hard to trust that such a person is being "real" with me, and returning the favor of emotional trust. Part of this is through personal experience, and some of it comes from watching what has happened to friends. For me, to really be in love with someone, I have to feel completely comfortable that he is not going to just leave me on a whim. I need to know in my heart that even when I mess up badly, he will still love me (even though he might be really angry with me for a while) and will not abandon me lightly. And I would want him to know the same thing about me. It's much like how I feel about my family. I know they will be there for me and love me no matter what. Even when if I did something horrible, they wouldn't abandon me. That's a real comfort, especially in a world where it's so easy to feel alone and isolated.
So, I would add emotional intimacy to the mix to explain love. The domination piece can and does play a role, but that alone cannot explain why people love. You have to be able to expose your innermost self without fear of ridicule, betrayal, or descruction. That goes for the "dominant" person in the relationship as well as the "submissive" person, and it goes double for relationships where neither person really dominates.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Top 10 Arguments Against Gay Marriage
First, I have to thank lesfriendly.com for directing me to these ridiculous Top 10 Reasons for Opposing Gay Marriage.
This topic seems appropriate considering the Vermont Senate and the New Hampshire House BOTH passed Gay Marriage bills for their respective states this week!
Anyway, the homophobes who first screamed "Let the People Decide!" all across the nation as LGBT lives were put up for a VOTE via constitutional amendments to make sure our relationships are never recognized are now screaming foul that the PEOPLE'S Representatives are looking like they will pass laws.
The "Top 10" reasons to oppose gay marriage are so stupid, it actually makes gay marriage look good.
In a nutshell, the ten arguments are as follows (comments in italic):
Argument #1.
It will destroy the institution of marriage and lead to massive numbers of children born out of wedlock.
I don't get it. How exactly does expanding marriage destroy it? Right now, same sex couples with children are technically "single" parents... but those children still have TWO loving parents, even if the state refuses to grant them any of the rights their heterosexual peers possess.
Argument #2
The introduction of legalized gay marriages will lead directly to polygamy, incest, bestiality and other alternatives to one-man, one-woman unions.
This is the old man-on-dog argument. Marriage is a special contract between two unrelated people. The argument is that if you say it can be between two men or two women, then you open the door to EVERYTHING. That is not true. Marriage would still be between two unrelated people. Why unrelated? Genetics will tell you that. But gay people can't reproduce you say! Ummm, ever heard of a sperm bank? What about the sister of a gay male partner agreeing to donate her egg so that her brother and his husband can have a child? I personally know people who have done both. So you rule out polygamy and adult incest marriages. Just because you need help to reproduce does not make the reproduction less valid. As for the arguments that gay marriage leads to marrying children and pets, neither children nor pets are legally able to make binding contracts or decisions for themselves. They are not able to consent to a marriage, so those two scenarios are also red herrings.
Argument #3
With the family out of the way, all rights and privileges of marriage will accrue to gay and lesbian partners without the legal entanglements and commitments heretofore associated with it.
That's preciously the point? How is this an argument AGAINST gay marriage? :)
Argument #4
With the legalization of homosexual marriage, every public school in the nation will be required to teach that this perversion is the moral equivalent of traditional marriage between a man and a woman.
I think moral lessons are better left to church and home than public school. There's no reason for public schools to do anything than acknowledge the existence of different types of families, without judgment.
Argument #5
From that point forward, courts will not be able to favor a traditional family involving one man and one woman over a homosexual couple in matters of adoption. Children will be placed in homes with parents representing only one sex on an equal basis with those having a mom and a dad.
Wow, end discrimination, and you can't legally discriminate! Glad you get it!
Argument #6
Foster-care parents will be required to undergo “sensitivity training” to rid themselves of bias in favor of traditional marriage, and will have to affirm homosexuality in children and teens.
Not being a foster parent, I have no idea what kind of training they have to go through. However, I do not see a problem in being trained on how to handle a gay teenager, especially when gay teenagers have such a higher percentage of suicide than heterosexual teens. Yeah, I can see how letting gay children or teens know that they aren't disgusting, hated by God, etc. would be a BAD thing. *sigh*
Argument #7
How about the impact on Social Security if there are millions of new dependents that will be entitled to survivor benefits? It will amount to billions of dollars on an already overburdened system. And how about the cost to American businesses? Unproductive costs mean fewer jobs for those who need them. Are state and municipal governments to be required to raise taxes substantially to provide health insurance and other benefits to millions of new “spouses and other dependents”?
This is the lamest of the arguments. Gay people pay social security taxes just like anyone else. Our families SHOULD be entitled to the same benefits. Studies have shown that where same-sex couple benefits are concerned, the cost to localities is minimal. This argument relies on the assumption that same-gender couples are beneath contempt.
Argument #8
Marriage among homosexuals will spread throughout the world, just as pornography did after the Nixon Commission declared obscene material “beneficial” to mankind.11 Almost instantly, the English-speaking countries liberalized their laws against smut. America continues to be the fountainhead of filth and immorality, and its influence is global.
Considering that South AFRICA offers gay marriage, along with a good portion of Western Europe, America is already behind the curve. If we do set an example, though, that is not a bad thing.
Argument #9
Perhaps most important, the spread of the Gospel of Jesus Christ will be severely curtailed. The family has been God’s primary vehicle for evangelism since the beginning.
The Gospel of Jesus Christ says nothing about Gay Marriage. Christ himself never mentioned the concept, let alone condemned or endorsed it. This makes the assumption that gay marriage is not compatible with Christianity. Again, a falsehood. Anyone doubting this needs to come visit All Saints Episcopal Church for more examples than you can shake a stick at of committed same-sex couples brimming with enthusiasm and passion for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. You might actually win back some lapsed Christians who think the church is full of nothing but right wing bigots.
Argument #10
The culture war will be over, and I fear, the world may soon become “as it was in the days of Noah” (Matthew 24:37, NIV). This is the climactic moment in the battle to preserve the family, and future generations hang in the balance.
Raise your hands if you think the "culture war" ending would be a GOOD thing! It's kind of funny how underlying these arguments is that if gay marriage is OK, then seemingly heterosexual men will drop their wives and take up with each other in DROVES. Now I enjoy same-gender lovin' as much as any gay man, but I fail to see how heterosexual men would suddenly give up the va-jay-jay for man-on-man lovin'! No one chooses their sexuality, one way or the other. And for the beleaguered bisexual, gay marriage would give them two perfectly valid options for building a life with the person of their choosing. No longer would society's pressure be exclusively on the bisexual settling down with an opposite gender spouse.
So those are the Top 10 Arguments Against Gay Marriage. It just goes to show how far ignorance and fear can take a voter.
This topic seems appropriate considering the Vermont Senate and the New Hampshire House BOTH passed Gay Marriage bills for their respective states this week!
Anyway, the homophobes who first screamed "Let the People Decide!" all across the nation as LGBT lives were put up for a VOTE via constitutional amendments to make sure our relationships are never recognized are now screaming foul that the PEOPLE'S Representatives are looking like they will pass laws.
The "Top 10" reasons to oppose gay marriage are so stupid, it actually makes gay marriage look good.
In a nutshell, the ten arguments are as follows (comments in italic):
Argument #1.
It will destroy the institution of marriage and lead to massive numbers of children born out of wedlock.
I don't get it. How exactly does expanding marriage destroy it? Right now, same sex couples with children are technically "single" parents... but those children still have TWO loving parents, even if the state refuses to grant them any of the rights their heterosexual peers possess.
Argument #2
The introduction of legalized gay marriages will lead directly to polygamy, incest, bestiality and other alternatives to one-man, one-woman unions.
This is the old man-on-dog argument. Marriage is a special contract between two unrelated people. The argument is that if you say it can be between two men or two women, then you open the door to EVERYTHING. That is not true. Marriage would still be between two unrelated people. Why unrelated? Genetics will tell you that. But gay people can't reproduce you say! Ummm, ever heard of a sperm bank? What about the sister of a gay male partner agreeing to donate her egg so that her brother and his husband can have a child? I personally know people who have done both. So you rule out polygamy and adult incest marriages. Just because you need help to reproduce does not make the reproduction less valid. As for the arguments that gay marriage leads to marrying children and pets, neither children nor pets are legally able to make binding contracts or decisions for themselves. They are not able to consent to a marriage, so those two scenarios are also red herrings.
Argument #3
With the family out of the way, all rights and privileges of marriage will accrue to gay and lesbian partners without the legal entanglements and commitments heretofore associated with it.
That's preciously the point? How is this an argument AGAINST gay marriage? :)
Argument #4
With the legalization of homosexual marriage, every public school in the nation will be required to teach that this perversion is the moral equivalent of traditional marriage between a man and a woman.
I think moral lessons are better left to church and home than public school. There's no reason for public schools to do anything than acknowledge the existence of different types of families, without judgment.
Argument #5
From that point forward, courts will not be able to favor a traditional family involving one man and one woman over a homosexual couple in matters of adoption. Children will be placed in homes with parents representing only one sex on an equal basis with those having a mom and a dad.
Wow, end discrimination, and you can't legally discriminate! Glad you get it!
Argument #6
Foster-care parents will be required to undergo “sensitivity training” to rid themselves of bias in favor of traditional marriage, and will have to affirm homosexuality in children and teens.
Not being a foster parent, I have no idea what kind of training they have to go through. However, I do not see a problem in being trained on how to handle a gay teenager, especially when gay teenagers have such a higher percentage of suicide than heterosexual teens. Yeah, I can see how letting gay children or teens know that they aren't disgusting, hated by God, etc. would be a BAD thing. *sigh*
Argument #7
How about the impact on Social Security if there are millions of new dependents that will be entitled to survivor benefits? It will amount to billions of dollars on an already overburdened system. And how about the cost to American businesses? Unproductive costs mean fewer jobs for those who need them. Are state and municipal governments to be required to raise taxes substantially to provide health insurance and other benefits to millions of new “spouses and other dependents”?
This is the lamest of the arguments. Gay people pay social security taxes just like anyone else. Our families SHOULD be entitled to the same benefits. Studies have shown that where same-sex couple benefits are concerned, the cost to localities is minimal. This argument relies on the assumption that same-gender couples are beneath contempt.
Argument #8
Marriage among homosexuals will spread throughout the world, just as pornography did after the Nixon Commission declared obscene material “beneficial” to mankind.11 Almost instantly, the English-speaking countries liberalized their laws against smut. America continues to be the fountainhead of filth and immorality, and its influence is global.
Considering that South AFRICA offers gay marriage, along with a good portion of Western Europe, America is already behind the curve. If we do set an example, though, that is not a bad thing.
Argument #9
Perhaps most important, the spread of the Gospel of Jesus Christ will be severely curtailed. The family has been God’s primary vehicle for evangelism since the beginning.
The Gospel of Jesus Christ says nothing about Gay Marriage. Christ himself never mentioned the concept, let alone condemned or endorsed it. This makes the assumption that gay marriage is not compatible with Christianity. Again, a falsehood. Anyone doubting this needs to come visit All Saints Episcopal Church for more examples than you can shake a stick at of committed same-sex couples brimming with enthusiasm and passion for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. You might actually win back some lapsed Christians who think the church is full of nothing but right wing bigots.
Argument #10
The culture war will be over, and I fear, the world may soon become “as it was in the days of Noah” (Matthew 24:37, NIV). This is the climactic moment in the battle to preserve the family, and future generations hang in the balance.
Raise your hands if you think the "culture war" ending would be a GOOD thing! It's kind of funny how underlying these arguments is that if gay marriage is OK, then seemingly heterosexual men will drop their wives and take up with each other in DROVES. Now I enjoy same-gender lovin' as much as any gay man, but I fail to see how heterosexual men would suddenly give up the va-jay-jay for man-on-man lovin'! No one chooses their sexuality, one way or the other. And for the beleaguered bisexual, gay marriage would give them two perfectly valid options for building a life with the person of their choosing. No longer would society's pressure be exclusively on the bisexual settling down with an opposite gender spouse.
So those are the Top 10 Arguments Against Gay Marriage. It just goes to show how far ignorance and fear can take a voter.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Eight Years
This post is not cheery, and it concerns the 8th anniversary of my father's suicide on February 13, 2001. It is an essay I feel compelled to write, but I understand if you don't want to read it.
I was sitting in the Juris Publici (law school student newspaper of which I was editor-in-chief) office when I received the instant message to report to the Dean's Office. I had finished all my classes in the morning, and had contemplated going home for an afternoon nap, but decided not to do that. It's unusual to be summoned to the Dean's office, so I immediately thought I was in trouble. Was I being accused of cheating? Had I turned in anything that could remotely cause a professor to think I might have cheated? I couldn't think of anything as I made my way to the Dean's office.
When I got there, I was directed into the Dean of Student Life's office, and she asked me to shut the door. Another bad sign. What is going on? I thought. The Dean told me that my mother was on the phone and would like to speak to me.
That's when I knew. I knew in my heart why my mother was calling. She was going to tell me that my father had done it. He had committed suicide.
My father had been spiralling down for months. It started in May 2000 when a relationship he was in suddenly ended. He seemed OK at first, but he began to brood more and more. The woman was named Sophia and she worked with him at IBM. In early July, she annouced she was engaged to another man. Turns out that while she was with my dad, she was also seeing an old high school flame on the side who lived in Indiana. That's when the bottom fell out for him.
Having suffered through serious depression myself, I knew the symptoms and signs. When he came to visit me in early September 2000, it was obvious to me that he was NOT in good shape at all. I took matters into my own hands and wrote his therapist. I knew her name, and my mom got me her address. I mailed her a letter telling her my concerns and observations. Turns out that my dad's shrink (he was on anti-depressants at this time) also became concerned and contacted his therapist within a day of my letter reaching her. The one-two punch was alarming enough that she had him come in, and he started more intensive therapy.
I remember wondering if he'd be angry with me, but he wasn't. He knew why I had written the letter, and he seemed relieved and grateful that I had. He kept having anxiety attacks though, especially when he would run into Sophia. His friends were a lifeline in trying to keep them apart as much as possible.
Things continued along, and Christmas break came. I was in Lexington and staying with my dad who had an extra bedroom in his apartment. What I observed there really alarmed me. My dad, the ultimate pack rat, had done some spring cleaning in the middle of December. He threw out a bunch of things, and he had everything else sorted and labeled. Growing up, my dad hated cleaning out the garage, and he certainly never did it after the divorce in 1998. He had a brick from his childhood home in Nashville that is now underneath an airport runway that he was giving back to his parents. I found a copy of the book "Final Exit" which was the notorious "how to" manual for euthanasia.
My dad also gave strange Christmas gifts that year. Along with the brick from his childhood home that he gave to his parents, he gave me a framed picture of himself. Christmas night, as we were getting ready to go to bed, my grandma said, "You think your dad will be alright, don't you?" I don't know why, but something told me to spill my guts on my concerns and observations. My mom joined in the conversation, as did my grandpa. My dad had retired an hour or so earlier. We talked for a good hour about our observations of him, conversations he had had with each of us. My father was very smart...he gave each of us a piece of the puzzle. It wasn't until we compared notes that a picture began to form.
My grandfather was suspicious that my dad wanted to reclaim his Glock that he'd given to them for safekeeping when the serious depression started in the summer. My grandfather went to the hiding place, and the Glock was gone. He confronted my dad, and I'll never know what was said, but my dad turned over the gun, and my grandfather cried. My grandfather never cries, but we didn't see all that. We just knew my dad was acting strange.
A day later, my dad admitted to me what he had been planning. He confessed to me, my mom, his therapist, and his friends. He had been planning on killing himself just after the New Year, Jan. 3 to be exact. At this point, I had a very open and frank discussion with my dad. I begged him not to hurt himself, hold him how much I loved him and needed him in my life even if I was about to graduate from law school. I got to say all the things in my heart that a lot of people leave unsaid until it's too late. In that respect, I have no regrets.
My dad underwent intensive therapy. I tried to talk him into going into a mental health facility just until his mood stabilized, but he refused. He was convinced that if he ever went into a hospital, he'd never get out. I tried to assure him that would not be the case, but he wouldn't be budged. Things seemed to be looking up for him. Since mid-January, his mood had noticeably improved. I thought, along with everyone else, that he had turned a corner.
It was not to be. The mood improvement was a result of his final decision to die. This is common in suicides. Once the person commits to death, he/she knows their pain is about to end, so that makes them happy. My father's pain is something I hope I never feel. I know I was close in 1998, and my dad said to me that if he had known how bad it was for me then, he would have been by my side. I hope my example of beating back depression would show him that he too could win. But his despair was to a point that my example was no comfort.
I took the phone and sat in the Dean's offered chair. My mother told me that my father had died that morning. She was trying like hell not to cry, but I could hear the torment in her voice. It was 11:30am. I responded, "He killed himself, didn't he?" She said he had. She then told me that a plane ticket had been purchased for me to come home, and that the Dean agreed to take me home, help me pack, and get me to the airport.
From that point, things were a whirlwind. The Dean had sent someone to the Juris Publici office to pack up my books and computer. She told me that my car would be safe in the law school parking lot and not to worry about a thing regarding my classes and such. She said I could have as much time as I needed, and just to keep in touch. I was in emotional shock at this point. I went with the flow. I knew I had to get home to Lexington, KY.
Back at my apartment, I threw a few things together that I knew I would need. A suit, regular clothes, etc. I kept trying to call S and tell him what happened. He was very difficult to reach, but I finally did reach him and told him what happened. He didn't have much to offer in the way of comfort, and I am not sure why I thought he would. Little did I know he was on the verge of divorce, so he had his own troubles to deal with.
Turns out that my dad had talked with my mom about what he wanted her to do should something happen to him. He wanted her to drive to Richmond, VA personally and tell me. That was ridiculous. But with my history of depression, she was afraid that this news of my father's suicide would send me into some kind of tailspin and that I'd end up offing myself in response. I understand that worry, but it wasn't realistic. Especially then. Once you've experienced the suicide of a loved one, that option is forever off the table for you, because you know all too well the emotional devastation it causes. No matter much pain you are in, you could never do that to your loved ones. It's a scar that never goes away, and you have no right to inflict it on others, especially those you claim to love.
The next couple of weeks were a blur of activity. As the sole heir, I had to make a lot of decisions, and I followed my dad's wishes as closely as I could. He wrote a total of 9 suicide letters addressed to various people. Mine was a co-letter with my grandparents. Of course, the police had to read all the notes in their investigation. He even had left a note in Sophia's office. One of the small comforts I have is that Sophia had a lengthy interview with the police at IBM. I hope she was humiliated by that. I also made it known she was not welcome at the funeral or the visitation. If she showed up, I would not be responsible for what I'd do. She was smart, and acquiesced to my wishes.
My dad really planned out his suicide well. He spent the night before writing the notes on his computer. From the time/date stamps, we could tell what order he wrote the letters in and what time. He was drinking screwdrivers, although we didn't know that until a blood screen was done. We thought it was OJ, because my dad was not a drinker, but my mom remembered that screwdrivers were his favorite. He burned a funeral CD for us to use at his services, fully labeled and everything. His notes explained everything and left instructions about his funeral. He put on a John Denver CD on repeat, went to the bathroom one last time, and crawled into bed. At this point, he took a handful of the anxiety pills he'd been hording for the last six-seven months to make him go to sleep. He had several blankets on the bed to keep his body warm. It was about 5:30am at this point, and he called his friend Michelle to tell her what he had done and to call the police. He did this knowing that she came in later in the morning due to getting her kids off to school. He also had a lunch date in case Michelle didn't come to work for some reason. Between the two of them, he knew his body wouldn't sit for long. Then, following the instructions of Chapter 13 from "Final Exit", he put on an allergy mask and secured two trash bags over his head with heavy duty rubber bands. The allergy mask is to prevent the bags from being sucked into the mouth. The body's response to suffocation is to claw that the mouth to get air. The mask would prevent this reflex, and the drugs would heavily sedate him, further lessing the impulse to get air. According to the book, this method takes 30 minutes to work. That means my dad died a little after 6am on February 13, 2001.
Today is the 8th anniversary of his suicide. The world has changed so much in that time, and even I am a very different person. I miss him every day, but time has healed. For a few years after his suicide, I used to brood over it from Christmas until the anniversary. The last 2-3 years, I only became melancholy and brooding for a few weeks in late January until the anniversary. Last year, I only started thinking about it the day of. Perhaps that was due to the excitement of the Presidential Primary in Georgia. But this year has been different. Since just after New Year's Day, I have been on an emotional roller coaster, usually feeling fine when I'm at work or out with friends, doing something. It's coming home where I have descended into a dark place. I think about death a lot, especially his. I've even thought that I couldn't half-way blame him for thinking the way he did. That kind of thinking has scared me, because I know what it's like to be left behind. As a result, while I can understand WHY he did it, I have a hard time thinking that I could ever actually do it. Then I am home alone, just me and my dogs, and I feel quite lonely. He must have felt that way too. But I know that as of today, this mood shall pass. It always has. The anniversary is kind of rough, but I think it always will be.
In the years since, another friend of mine committed suicide suddenly and violently. He not only cut his throat, but he hung himself too. I was fortunate that I was not asked to help pack up his place after the funeral. We largely kept the circumstances a secret out of respect for the family. Plus, he left no clues as to why. No note, no diary, nothing. He seemed fine until his body was discovered. Another dear friend lost her father this past October. He shot himself in the head in his car. I know what kind of pain my friend is going through. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. In some ways, I'm lucky. I know why my father killed himself. I have the comfort of knowing I did and said everything I possibly could to convince him to LIVE. Most survivors don't have that comfort. They haunted by "what if" questions, even though those questions are pointless. Someone who is determined to die will find the means to accomplish the task, no matter what we do.
Hopefully, no more of my friends will ever know what surviving suicide is like. But if you ever do, know that it does get better. We did everything we knew to save my dad from himself, but it wasn't enough. Ultimately, he had a choice to make, and he made it. It was the wrong choice, but a person determined to die will find a way.
Tonight, I have some dear friends who are going out to dinner with me for the sole purpose of giving me something else to think about, new memories to make. I am grateful to them for their love and friendship. Eight years seems like a lifetime ago in some ways, but in others, it's hard to believe he's been gone that long.
I was sitting in the Juris Publici (law school student newspaper of which I was editor-in-chief) office when I received the instant message to report to the Dean's Office. I had finished all my classes in the morning, and had contemplated going home for an afternoon nap, but decided not to do that. It's unusual to be summoned to the Dean's office, so I immediately thought I was in trouble. Was I being accused of cheating? Had I turned in anything that could remotely cause a professor to think I might have cheated? I couldn't think of anything as I made my way to the Dean's office.
When I got there, I was directed into the Dean of Student Life's office, and she asked me to shut the door. Another bad sign. What is going on? I thought. The Dean told me that my mother was on the phone and would like to speak to me.
That's when I knew. I knew in my heart why my mother was calling. She was going to tell me that my father had done it. He had committed suicide.
My father had been spiralling down for months. It started in May 2000 when a relationship he was in suddenly ended. He seemed OK at first, but he began to brood more and more. The woman was named Sophia and she worked with him at IBM. In early July, she annouced she was engaged to another man. Turns out that while she was with my dad, she was also seeing an old high school flame on the side who lived in Indiana. That's when the bottom fell out for him.
Having suffered through serious depression myself, I knew the symptoms and signs. When he came to visit me in early September 2000, it was obvious to me that he was NOT in good shape at all. I took matters into my own hands and wrote his therapist. I knew her name, and my mom got me her address. I mailed her a letter telling her my concerns and observations. Turns out that my dad's shrink (he was on anti-depressants at this time) also became concerned and contacted his therapist within a day of my letter reaching her. The one-two punch was alarming enough that she had him come in, and he started more intensive therapy.
I remember wondering if he'd be angry with me, but he wasn't. He knew why I had written the letter, and he seemed relieved and grateful that I had. He kept having anxiety attacks though, especially when he would run into Sophia. His friends were a lifeline in trying to keep them apart as much as possible.
Things continued along, and Christmas break came. I was in Lexington and staying with my dad who had an extra bedroom in his apartment. What I observed there really alarmed me. My dad, the ultimate pack rat, had done some spring cleaning in the middle of December. He threw out a bunch of things, and he had everything else sorted and labeled. Growing up, my dad hated cleaning out the garage, and he certainly never did it after the divorce in 1998. He had a brick from his childhood home in Nashville that is now underneath an airport runway that he was giving back to his parents. I found a copy of the book "Final Exit" which was the notorious "how to" manual for euthanasia.
My dad also gave strange Christmas gifts that year. Along with the brick from his childhood home that he gave to his parents, he gave me a framed picture of himself. Christmas night, as we were getting ready to go to bed, my grandma said, "You think your dad will be alright, don't you?" I don't know why, but something told me to spill my guts on my concerns and observations. My mom joined in the conversation, as did my grandpa. My dad had retired an hour or so earlier. We talked for a good hour about our observations of him, conversations he had had with each of us. My father was very smart...he gave each of us a piece of the puzzle. It wasn't until we compared notes that a picture began to form.
My grandfather was suspicious that my dad wanted to reclaim his Glock that he'd given to them for safekeeping when the serious depression started in the summer. My grandfather went to the hiding place, and the Glock was gone. He confronted my dad, and I'll never know what was said, but my dad turned over the gun, and my grandfather cried. My grandfather never cries, but we didn't see all that. We just knew my dad was acting strange.
A day later, my dad admitted to me what he had been planning. He confessed to me, my mom, his therapist, and his friends. He had been planning on killing himself just after the New Year, Jan. 3 to be exact. At this point, I had a very open and frank discussion with my dad. I begged him not to hurt himself, hold him how much I loved him and needed him in my life even if I was about to graduate from law school. I got to say all the things in my heart that a lot of people leave unsaid until it's too late. In that respect, I have no regrets.
My dad underwent intensive therapy. I tried to talk him into going into a mental health facility just until his mood stabilized, but he refused. He was convinced that if he ever went into a hospital, he'd never get out. I tried to assure him that would not be the case, but he wouldn't be budged. Things seemed to be looking up for him. Since mid-January, his mood had noticeably improved. I thought, along with everyone else, that he had turned a corner.
It was not to be. The mood improvement was a result of his final decision to die. This is common in suicides. Once the person commits to death, he/she knows their pain is about to end, so that makes them happy. My father's pain is something I hope I never feel. I know I was close in 1998, and my dad said to me that if he had known how bad it was for me then, he would have been by my side. I hope my example of beating back depression would show him that he too could win. But his despair was to a point that my example was no comfort.
I took the phone and sat in the Dean's offered chair. My mother told me that my father had died that morning. She was trying like hell not to cry, but I could hear the torment in her voice. It was 11:30am. I responded, "He killed himself, didn't he?" She said he had. She then told me that a plane ticket had been purchased for me to come home, and that the Dean agreed to take me home, help me pack, and get me to the airport.
From that point, things were a whirlwind. The Dean had sent someone to the Juris Publici office to pack up my books and computer. She told me that my car would be safe in the law school parking lot and not to worry about a thing regarding my classes and such. She said I could have as much time as I needed, and just to keep in touch. I was in emotional shock at this point. I went with the flow. I knew I had to get home to Lexington, KY.
Back at my apartment, I threw a few things together that I knew I would need. A suit, regular clothes, etc. I kept trying to call S and tell him what happened. He was very difficult to reach, but I finally did reach him and told him what happened. He didn't have much to offer in the way of comfort, and I am not sure why I thought he would. Little did I know he was on the verge of divorce, so he had his own troubles to deal with.
Turns out that my dad had talked with my mom about what he wanted her to do should something happen to him. He wanted her to drive to Richmond, VA personally and tell me. That was ridiculous. But with my history of depression, she was afraid that this news of my father's suicide would send me into some kind of tailspin and that I'd end up offing myself in response. I understand that worry, but it wasn't realistic. Especially then. Once you've experienced the suicide of a loved one, that option is forever off the table for you, because you know all too well the emotional devastation it causes. No matter much pain you are in, you could never do that to your loved ones. It's a scar that never goes away, and you have no right to inflict it on others, especially those you claim to love.
The next couple of weeks were a blur of activity. As the sole heir, I had to make a lot of decisions, and I followed my dad's wishes as closely as I could. He wrote a total of 9 suicide letters addressed to various people. Mine was a co-letter with my grandparents. Of course, the police had to read all the notes in their investigation. He even had left a note in Sophia's office. One of the small comforts I have is that Sophia had a lengthy interview with the police at IBM. I hope she was humiliated by that. I also made it known she was not welcome at the funeral or the visitation. If she showed up, I would not be responsible for what I'd do. She was smart, and acquiesced to my wishes.
My dad really planned out his suicide well. He spent the night before writing the notes on his computer. From the time/date stamps, we could tell what order he wrote the letters in and what time. He was drinking screwdrivers, although we didn't know that until a blood screen was done. We thought it was OJ, because my dad was not a drinker, but my mom remembered that screwdrivers were his favorite. He burned a funeral CD for us to use at his services, fully labeled and everything. His notes explained everything and left instructions about his funeral. He put on a John Denver CD on repeat, went to the bathroom one last time, and crawled into bed. At this point, he took a handful of the anxiety pills he'd been hording for the last six-seven months to make him go to sleep. He had several blankets on the bed to keep his body warm. It was about 5:30am at this point, and he called his friend Michelle to tell her what he had done and to call the police. He did this knowing that she came in later in the morning due to getting her kids off to school. He also had a lunch date in case Michelle didn't come to work for some reason. Between the two of them, he knew his body wouldn't sit for long. Then, following the instructions of Chapter 13 from "Final Exit", he put on an allergy mask and secured two trash bags over his head with heavy duty rubber bands. The allergy mask is to prevent the bags from being sucked into the mouth. The body's response to suffocation is to claw that the mouth to get air. The mask would prevent this reflex, and the drugs would heavily sedate him, further lessing the impulse to get air. According to the book, this method takes 30 minutes to work. That means my dad died a little after 6am on February 13, 2001.
Today is the 8th anniversary of his suicide. The world has changed so much in that time, and even I am a very different person. I miss him every day, but time has healed. For a few years after his suicide, I used to brood over it from Christmas until the anniversary. The last 2-3 years, I only became melancholy and brooding for a few weeks in late January until the anniversary. Last year, I only started thinking about it the day of. Perhaps that was due to the excitement of the Presidential Primary in Georgia. But this year has been different. Since just after New Year's Day, I have been on an emotional roller coaster, usually feeling fine when I'm at work or out with friends, doing something. It's coming home where I have descended into a dark place. I think about death a lot, especially his. I've even thought that I couldn't half-way blame him for thinking the way he did. That kind of thinking has scared me, because I know what it's like to be left behind. As a result, while I can understand WHY he did it, I have a hard time thinking that I could ever actually do it. Then I am home alone, just me and my dogs, and I feel quite lonely. He must have felt that way too. But I know that as of today, this mood shall pass. It always has. The anniversary is kind of rough, but I think it always will be.
In the years since, another friend of mine committed suicide suddenly and violently. He not only cut his throat, but he hung himself too. I was fortunate that I was not asked to help pack up his place after the funeral. We largely kept the circumstances a secret out of respect for the family. Plus, he left no clues as to why. No note, no diary, nothing. He seemed fine until his body was discovered. Another dear friend lost her father this past October. He shot himself in the head in his car. I know what kind of pain my friend is going through. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. In some ways, I'm lucky. I know why my father killed himself. I have the comfort of knowing I did and said everything I possibly could to convince him to LIVE. Most survivors don't have that comfort. They haunted by "what if" questions, even though those questions are pointless. Someone who is determined to die will find the means to accomplish the task, no matter what we do.
Hopefully, no more of my friends will ever know what surviving suicide is like. But if you ever do, know that it does get better. We did everything we knew to save my dad from himself, but it wasn't enough. Ultimately, he had a choice to make, and he made it. It was the wrong choice, but a person determined to die will find a way.
Tonight, I have some dear friends who are going out to dinner with me for the sole purpose of giving me something else to think about, new memories to make. I am grateful to them for their love and friendship. Eight years seems like a lifetime ago in some ways, but in others, it's hard to believe he's been gone that long.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Run-Off Blues
The run-off election results were largely a disappointment in Georgia Georgia Georgia , which is the highest percentage won by a Democratic presidential candidate in Georgia Georgia Georgia Clinton Georgia
The youth vote is still strange in
We continue to improve, though. So many of
The run-off results are also set up for a GOP victory. You have to remember that the run-off rules are a relic of the segregationist past. They were set up to ensure that the old (white) guard maintained control of the Democratic Party. Remember, until 2002, Democrats had ruled
For the Democratic youth, this racial stuff doesn’t matter nearly as much as it does to our elders. We care much more about policies and getting things done than the exercise of raw (or, more accurately, imagined) power. You do see moments where young people try to emulate their elders by trying to incite racial bias, but those efforts are not widespread. They also usually fail.
The Georgia Run-off law requires a winning candidate for any office other than President to get an absolute majority of 50% plus one. If you look at the 1990 Democratic primary for governor, you will understand the usefulness to the white power structure of the run-off law. Since the Democratic nominee always won the general election, open Democratic primaries were crowded. The top two vote getters in July 1990 were Zell Miller and Andrew Young. For whatever reason, it is an accepted fact in
Another example is 1998 when Mary Margaret Oliver faced off with Mark Taylor for the Lt. Governor nomination. Oliver, a liberal Democratic white woman from DeKalb, came in 1st place with 29% of the vote. Taylor, a rural white boy from
We knew going into 2008 that we had an uphill climb.
I never thought that winning GA for Obama (or Hillary) was realistic in 2008. My stated goal was to make
Unseating Saxby was also going to be difficult. When the primary season started, we had about 5 candidates who were fairly lackluster. No one really sparked a huge fire, although we did have a couple of interesting choices. We also had the Saxby-financed Vernon Jones campaign (it was an open secret in DeKalb that Saxby asked his builder buddies to finance Vernon’s campaign) since Saxby knew that Vernon as the Dem nominee would assure his reelection. He might as well not have an opponent as to have
In the end, though, Jim Martin came through and decided to run. He started late, though, and required a run-off to secure the nomination. Even then, it was going to be a huge uphill fight. We had hoped that people excited about the Obama win would come back out to support Jim on Tuesday, but that did not happen. Despite ads and robo-calls from Obama to the black community, and rap artists pleading for turnout, the huge black turnout for Obama in November did not materialize in December. Of course, the turnout with white progressives was not so great either. I know many people were turned off by all the ads and calls as the eyes of the nation focused on
The results showed that people who turned out to re-elect Saxby just went to the PSC race and voted for the Republican. They didn’t care who it was, so long as the “R” was by his name. That is the only reason Jim Powell lost, as he was CLEARLY more qualified and independent than Bubba.
Saxby’s campaign again was full of lies and distortions about Jim Martin. Saxby got his feet wet in 2002 by strongly hinting that triple-amputee and
This year, Saxby basically ran a campaign that said Jim Martin was a child murdering, child prostituting, and inveterate tax raiser who also liked to line his own pockets with public money. Anyone who has ever met Jim Martin knows what a pack of lies these charges were. Jim Martin is an honorable and decent man who has always cared more for results than getting credit. He is one of the most decent people I’ve ever seen in politics, especially when compared to Saxby “Big Daddy” Chambliss who has few morals and even fewer ethics. Saxby always leaves me feeling dirty, and I have the impression that he is a bad person. I do not say that lightly. Generally, I feel Republicans are good people, just misguided.
A bright spot in the run-off election results was the win by Sara Doyle for GA Court of Appeals. While she is a consistent Republican voter, she was not nearly as rigid or ideological as her opponent, “Christian” Taliban tool, Mike Sheffield. I put “Christian” in quotation marks because I consider the man to be anything but a true Christian. His philosophy and beliefs are anything but Christ-like. But he calls himself a Christian, so I’ll put it in quotation marks. He would have added a highly partisan and extremely right wing voice to the Court of Appeals, and defeating him was a real victory.
It does feel like we got our asses handed to us in Tuesday’s run-off election. We have not mastered the art of turnout for a run-off, especially around the holidays. It is not a reason to despair. No one would have thought we could force Saxby into a run-off even as late as September. The “smart” money was on a Saxby easy victory on election night. That we forced Saxby into a run-off and drained away all that GOP money is a victory for us. It may feel hollow, but that is the reality.
So, my fellow Democrats, do not despair. We started out in a very deep hole, and we got close enough to feel the edges. Maybe next time we can pull ourselves out. That is what we are working toward. It is not likely that
We can and will win
That’s why we fight…and in the end, that is why we will win.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Thursday, October 09, 2008
John McCain's Rage is a National Security Concern
Creepy... McCain's temperament is a serious concern in this election.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
John McCain's ads are LIES. Here's the video proof.
Sen.McSame used to be a maverick and a truth teller. That man is now dead. It is obvious that McSame would rather lose his HONOR than lose this election. His lies cannot go unpunished.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Sarah Palin is Not MY Mother -- Thank God
The adoration from the religious right over Sarah Palin's GOP nomination as the Vice President should send chills up the spine of anyone who loves the United States of America and its Constitution, especially the 1st Amendment. I especially reference the part about forbidding the establishment of religion. The Bush years were not able to usher in an uber-right "Christian" Theocracy, but hope springs eternal with the nomination of Sarah Palin, who is a true believer in some really crazy stuff. Bush and Cheney have done unspeakable harm to this nation, but if Sarah Palin reaches the White House with McSame, I sure hope McSame has a food taster, because the right will be looking to send him to meet Jesus sooner rather than later and get their darling in Oval Office.
The right wing curmudgeon of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Jim Wooten, practically slobbered over himself praising the virtues of Gov. Palin in a recent column. I especially became nauseated at the following passage:
Just like I grew tired of being told that I couldn't possibly be a Christian because I was a gay Democrat, I am SICK TO DEATH of hearing the GOP mantra that to challenge your country in any way is somehow "hating America" and near-treasonous. For the record, I love my country in good times and bad. But like my parents always said to me growing up, "We will always love you, no matter what. We may not like what you do sometimes, but that will never mean we love you any less." If I had turned out to be a mass murderer, my mother (since Dad's dead) would still love me with all her heart. She certainly wouldn't be PROUD of my actions as a serial killer though, and the horror I had done would break her heart. But she would love me to her dying day. THAT is unconditional love.
I may not have a child, but I do unconditionally love my country. That does NOT translate into unconditional approval of actions my country may take. I love America, but I am ashamed that we fell for the trap of George W. Bush, especially in 2004 when we should have known better. It was clear the man had manipulated intelligence to get us into a war we should not have been in. It was clear that he was ready to divide the country by attacking gay people in order to win votes. Yet, we voted him back into office. My country is better than that, and I am ashamed of what we did on election day, 2004. I am ashamed that my country has countenanced torture against sometimes innocent people, and disregarded the human rights upon which our government is founded. We should be better than that. I still love my country though, even when it became clear how badly we'd gone astray at Abu Garib prison and at Guantanimo Bay. I found it embarassing that we impeached a president over a sexual infidelity, but I still loved my country. I can, and have, deeply loved my country without always being proud of it. And where I am not proud of my country, I am proud of the spirit that allows me to work to make it better. I love my country as it is, but I want it to be better... just as any parent would want his/her child to do better when you know that child is capable of so much more. It is that criticism and the attempt to make it better that shows how much I do LOVE my country. If my love was conditional, I would simply give up on America, on the ideals that make up the American spirit. I would drop out, stop engaging, and cease to care one way or another.
In an AP article by Sara Kugler, the response to Palin has included such statements as: "She's every mom," said Lindsey Denny, a mother of 7, including a set of quintuplets, two of whom have special needs like Palin's infant son with Down syndrome.
Every mom? Really? I don't think so.
My mother had one child, and even that was a struggle. She stayed at home with me, and instilled a love of learning and curiousity that has served me well. She prayed that I would be smart and do well in school, remembering well how her own mother had belittled and mocked her because my mom struggled in classes, especially math and science. She loved me unconditionally, but her discipline was firm. When I came out of the closet, she struggled, but never once did I think she would disown me. She left a church that she had attended for years because of the way that church drove me from its membership, and the membership of any church, for seven years. Today, she bristles when people trash LGBT Americans. She has even taken to speaking up on our behalf with friends, although she still struggles with whether to reveal that her only son is gay. My mother believes that women deserve equal pay for equal work. She believes that health care is a right, and that we all deserve basic coverage, no matter our station in life or what job(s) we have. My mother believes in science, and reveres the Bible without worshipping it blindly. My mother has a strong faith in God, but she does not believe she is called for force everyone to believe as she does, nor does she think the power of government should be used to coerce her opinions on others. My mother is pro-choice, believing that the decision to carry a pregnancy to term is intensely personal, between a woman, God, and her doctor. She would never presume to impose her choice on someone else. My mother does not belittle others, no matter what their circumstance. More often than not, she seeks to help people in any way she can, over-empathizing in their plight. My mother is terrified of guns, having had a rifle pointed at her head at age seven by her own father. She cannot face a dead animal. She is rarely sarcastic and never mean.
In other words, my mother is everything that Sarah Palin is not. The only thing they have in common is anatomy and a deep belief in God. Even that belief takes them to very different places. My mother is a southern girl from Tennessee who worries about paying her bills, having health insurance, and making ends meet. I thank God that Sarah Palin is not MY mother.... and I will work my butt off to make sure she doesn't become my Vice President.
The right wing curmudgeon of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Jim Wooten, practically slobbered over himself praising the virtues of Gov. Palin in a recent column. I especially became nauseated at the following passage:
Palin’s story is our story. Her life is our life.
She and McCain will carry the South because her values and his are ours.
She is not of Washington.
She is of us.
The question arises, who fits the definition of "us"? Does one have to attend a rigid, far right evangelical, perhaps penecostal, church? Do you need to eschew birth control and other forms of family planning? Do you need to viciously attack people who cross you, aiming to destroy their lives? Do you need to a white, heterosexual family living in a rural, or maybe ex-urban, area? Do you need to have come out of the womb with a shotgun? Do you need to mock people when you sense they are better than you...or at least as Christian, even if they don't agree with you on issues? Do you need to support prayer as a way to convert LGBT Americans from their "sin"? Do you need to brow-beat any Jews you know to accept Jesus or face eternal hellfire and damnation? Do you need to eschew science, and advocate patently false teachings that the earth is 6000 years old and that early man frolicked with the dinosaurs (or "Jesus horses" as our beloved Superindent of Education here in GA once called them)?
If so, then I am certainly not of the "us" that Wooten refers to. Her story is NOT my story. Her life is NOT my life. Her values are CERTAINLY NOT my values. We're both not "of Washington", so I suppose we have that in common. Since I obviously don't fit in to the definition of "us", I'm not lumped in that category with Gov. Palin.
What I am is a white, gay, southern male who is progressive, Christian, and concerned for the future of my country. This brings to me another part of Wooten's column that touches on something that annoys me.
People in the small towns where she grew up, “love their country, in good times and bad, and they’re always proud of America.” It’s not conditional love. It’s not love based on whether we behave and believe as others wish. It’s lasting and unconditional.
Just like I grew tired of being told that I couldn't possibly be a Christian because I was a gay Democrat, I am SICK TO DEATH of hearing the GOP mantra that to challenge your country in any way is somehow "hating America" and near-treasonous. For the record, I love my country in good times and bad. But like my parents always said to me growing up, "We will always love you, no matter what. We may not like what you do sometimes, but that will never mean we love you any less." If I had turned out to be a mass murderer, my mother (since Dad's dead) would still love me with all her heart. She certainly wouldn't be PROUD of my actions as a serial killer though, and the horror I had done would break her heart. But she would love me to her dying day. THAT is unconditional love.
I may not have a child, but I do unconditionally love my country. That does NOT translate into unconditional approval of actions my country may take. I love America, but I am ashamed that we fell for the trap of George W. Bush, especially in 2004 when we should have known better. It was clear the man had manipulated intelligence to get us into a war we should not have been in. It was clear that he was ready to divide the country by attacking gay people in order to win votes. Yet, we voted him back into office. My country is better than that, and I am ashamed of what we did on election day, 2004. I am ashamed that my country has countenanced torture against sometimes innocent people, and disregarded the human rights upon which our government is founded. We should be better than that. I still love my country though, even when it became clear how badly we'd gone astray at Abu Garib prison and at Guantanimo Bay. I found it embarassing that we impeached a president over a sexual infidelity, but I still loved my country. I can, and have, deeply loved my country without always being proud of it. And where I am not proud of my country, I am proud of the spirit that allows me to work to make it better. I love my country as it is, but I want it to be better... just as any parent would want his/her child to do better when you know that child is capable of so much more. It is that criticism and the attempt to make it better that shows how much I do LOVE my country. If my love was conditional, I would simply give up on America, on the ideals that make up the American spirit. I would drop out, stop engaging, and cease to care one way or another.
In an AP article by Sara Kugler, the response to Palin has included such statements as: "She's every mom," said Lindsey Denny, a mother of 7, including a set of quintuplets, two of whom have special needs like Palin's infant son with Down syndrome.
Every mom? Really? I don't think so.
My mother had one child, and even that was a struggle. She stayed at home with me, and instilled a love of learning and curiousity that has served me well. She prayed that I would be smart and do well in school, remembering well how her own mother had belittled and mocked her because my mom struggled in classes, especially math and science. She loved me unconditionally, but her discipline was firm. When I came out of the closet, she struggled, but never once did I think she would disown me. She left a church that she had attended for years because of the way that church drove me from its membership, and the membership of any church, for seven years. Today, she bristles when people trash LGBT Americans. She has even taken to speaking up on our behalf with friends, although she still struggles with whether to reveal that her only son is gay. My mother believes that women deserve equal pay for equal work. She believes that health care is a right, and that we all deserve basic coverage, no matter our station in life or what job(s) we have. My mother believes in science, and reveres the Bible without worshipping it blindly. My mother has a strong faith in God, but she does not believe she is called for force everyone to believe as she does, nor does she think the power of government should be used to coerce her opinions on others. My mother is pro-choice, believing that the decision to carry a pregnancy to term is intensely personal, between a woman, God, and her doctor. She would never presume to impose her choice on someone else. My mother does not belittle others, no matter what their circumstance. More often than not, she seeks to help people in any way she can, over-empathizing in their plight. My mother is terrified of guns, having had a rifle pointed at her head at age seven by her own father. She cannot face a dead animal. She is rarely sarcastic and never mean.
In other words, my mother is everything that Sarah Palin is not. The only thing they have in common is anatomy and a deep belief in God. Even that belief takes them to very different places. My mother is a southern girl from Tennessee who worries about paying her bills, having health insurance, and making ends meet. I thank God that Sarah Palin is not MY mother.... and I will work my butt off to make sure she doesn't become my Vice President.
Friday, September 05, 2008
The REAL Sarah Palin
This email letter came to me this morning from a colleague. It seems to be bouncing around the country, but it's written by someone who is from Wasilla, Alaska and who knows Sarah Palin. It's worth reading. I will certainly have more to comment in the future as this race heats up. Anne Kilkenny has taken a real risk. After the nasty, demeaning attacks against Barack Obama and ANYONE who works in their community to make it a better place during her acceptance speech, this lady has put herself in real jeopardy. Talk about an American hero!
>> Begin forwarded message:
>>
>> From: Anne Kilkenny
>> Date: September 1, 2008 12:20:01 AM PDT
>> Subject: re: SARAH PALIN
>>
>>
>> Dear friends,
>>
So many people have asked me about what I know about Sarah Palin in the last 2 days that I decided to write something up . . .
>>
>> Basically, Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton have only 2 things in common: their gender and their good looks. :)
>>
>> You have my permission to forward this to your friends/email contacts with my name and email address attached, but please do not post it on any websites, as there are too many kooks out there . . .
>>
>> Thanks,
>> Anne
>>
>>
>> ABOUT SARAH PALIN
>>
I am a resident of Wasilla, Alaska. I have known Sarah since 1992. Everyone here knows Sarah, so it is nothing special to say we are on a first-name basis. Our children have attended the same schools. Her father was my child's favorite substitute teacher. I also am on a first name basis with her parents and mother-in-law. I attended more City Council meetings during her administration than about 99% of the residents of the city.
>>
She is enormously popular; in every way she's like the most popular girl in middle school. Even men who think she is a poor choice and won't vote for her can't quit smiling when talking about her because she is a "babe".
>>
It is astonishing and almost scary how well she can keep a secret. She kept her most recent pregnancy a secret from her children and parents for seven months.
>>
She is "pro-life". She recently gave birth to a Down's syndrome baby. There is no cover-up involved, here; Trig is her baby.
>>
She is energetic and hardworking. She regularly worked out at the gym.
>>
She is savvy. She doesn't take positions; she just "puts things out there" and if they prove to be popular, then she takes credit.
>>
Her husband works a union job on the North Slope for BP and is a champion snowmobile racer. Todd Palin's kind of job is highly sought-after because of the schedule and high pay. He arranges his work schedule so he can fish for salmon in Bristol Bay for a month or so in summer, but by no stretch of the imagination is fishing their major source of income. Nor has her life-style ever been anything like that of native Alaskans. Sarah and her whole family are avid hunters.
>>
She's smart.
>>
Her experience is as mayor of a city with a population of about 5,000 (at the time), and less than 2 years as governor of a state with about 670,000 residents.
>>
During her mayoral administration most of the actual work of running this small city was turned over to an administrator. She had been pushed to hire this administrator by party power-brokers after she had gotten herself into some trouble over precipitous firings which had given rise to a recall campaign.
>>
Sarah campaigned in Wasilla as a "fiscal conservative". During her 6 years as Mayor, she increased general government expenditures by over 33%. During those same 6 years the amount of taxes collected by the City increased by 38%. This was during a period of low inflation (1996-2002). She reduced progressive property taxes and increased a regressive sales tax which taxed even food. The tax cuts that she promoted benefited large corporate property owners way more than they benefited residents.
>>
The huge increases in tax revenues during her mayoral administration weren't enough to fund everything on her wish list though, borrowed money was needed, too. She inherited a city with zero debt, but left it with indebtedness of over $22 million. What did Mayor Palin encourage the voters to borrow money for? Was it the infrastructure that she said she supported? The sewage treatment plant that the city lacked? Or a new library? No. $1m for a park. $15m-plus for construction of a multi-use sports complex which she rushed through to build on a piece of property that the City didn't even have clear title to, that was still in litigation 7 yrs later--to the delight of the lawyers involved! The sports complex itself is a nice addition to the community but a huge money pit, not the profit-generator she claimed it would be. She also supported bonds for $5.5m for road projects that could have been done in 5-7 yrs without any borrowing.
>>
While Mayor, City Hall was extensively remodeled and her office redecorated more than once. These are small numbers, but Wasilla is a very small city.
>>
As an oil producer, the high price of oil has created a budget surplus in Alaska. Rather than invest this surplus in technology that will make us energy independent and increase efficiency, as Governor she proposed distribution of this surplus to every individual in the state. In this time of record state revenues and budget surpluses, she recommended that the state borrow/bond for road projects, even while she proposed distribution of surplus state revenues: spend today's surplus, borrow for needs.
>>
She's not very tolerant of divergent opinions or open to outside ideas or compromise. As Mayor, she fought ideas that weren't generated by her or her staff. Ideas weren't evaluated on their merits, but on the basis of who proposed them.
>>
While Sarah was Mayor of Wasilla she tried to fire our highly respected City Librarian because the Librarian refused to consider removing from the library some books that Sarah wanted removed. City residents rallied to the defense of the City Librarian and against Palin's attempt at out-and-out censorship, so Palin backed down and withdrew her termination letter. People who fought her attempt to oust the Librarian are on her enemies list to this day.
>>
Sarah complained about the "old boy's club" when she first ran for Mayor, so what did she bring Wasilla? A new set of "old boys". Palin fired most of the experienced staff she inherited. At the City and as Governor she hired or elevated new, inexperienced, obscure people, creating a staff totally dependent on her for their jobs and eternally grateful and fiercely loyal--loyal to the point of abusing their power to further her personal agenda, as she has acknowledged happened in the case of pressuring the State's top cop (see below).
>>
As Mayor, Sarah fired Wasilla's Police Chief because he "intimidated" her, she told the press. As Governor, her recent firing of Alaska's top cop has the ring of familiarity about it. He served at her pleasure and she had every legal right to fire him, but it's pretty clear that an important factor in her decision to fire him was because he wouldn't fire her sister's ex-husband, a State Trooper. Under investigation for abuse of power, she has had to admit that more than 2 dozen contacts were made between her staff and family to the person that she later fired, pressuring him to fire her ex-brother-in-law. She tried to replace the man she fired with a man who she knew had been reprimanded for sexual harassment; when this caused a public furor, she withdrew her support.
>>
She has bitten the hand of every person who extended theirs to her in help. The City Council person who personally escorted her around town introducing her to voters when she first ran for Wasilla City Council became one of her first targets when she was later elected Mayor. She abruptly fired her loyal City Administrator; even people who didn't like the guy were stunned by this ruthlessness. Fear of retribution has kept all of these people from saying anything publicly about her.
>>
When then-Governor Murkowski was handing out political plums, Sarah got the best, Chair of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission: one of the few jobs not in Juneau and one of the best paid. She had no background in oil & gas issues. Within months of scoring this great job which paid $122,400/yr, she was complaining in the press about the high salary. I was told that she hated that job: the commute, the structured hours, the work. Sarah became aware that a member of this Commission (who was also the State Chair of the Republican Party) engaged in unethical behavior on the job. In a gutsy move which some undoubtedly cautioned her could be political suicide, Sarah solved all her problems in one fell swoop: got out of the job she hated and garnered gobs of media attention as the patron saint of ethics and as a gutsy fighter against the "old boys' club" when she dramatically quit, exposing this man's ethics violations (for which he was fined).
>>
As Mayor, she had her hand stuck out as far as anyone for pork from Senator Ted Stevens. Lately, she has castigated his pork-barrel politics and publicly humiliated him. She only opposed the "bridge to nowhere" after it became clear that it would be unwise not to.
>>
As Governor, she gave the Legislature no direction and budget guidelines, then made a big grandstand display of line-item vetoing projects, calling them pork. Public outcry and further legislative action restored most of these projects--which had been vetoed simply because she was not aware of their importance--but with the unobservant she had gained a reputation as "anti-pork".
>>
She is solidly Republican: no political maverick. The State party leaders hate her because she has bit them in the back and humiliated them. Other members of the party object to her self-description as a fiscal conservative.
>>
Around Wasilla there are people who went to high school with Sarah. They call her "Sarah Barracuda" because of her unbridled ambition and predatory ruthlessness. Before she became so powerful, very ugly stories circulated around town about shenanigans she pulled to be made point guard on the high school basketball team. When Sarah's mother-in-law, a highly respected member of the community and experienced manager, ran for Mayor, Sarah refused to endorse her.
>>
As Governor, she stepped outside of the box and put together of package of legislation known as "AGIA" that forced the oil companies to march to the beat of her drum.
>>
Like most Alaskans, she favors drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. She has questioned if the loss of sea ice is linked to global warming. She campaigned "as a private citizen" against a state initiative that would have either a) protected salmon streams from pollution from mines, or b) tied up in the courts all mining in the state (depending on who you listen to). She has pushed the State's lawsuit against the Dept. of the Interior's decision to list polar bears as threatened species.
>>
McCain is the oldest person to ever run for President; Sarah will be a heartbeat away from being President.
>>
There has to be literally millions of Americans who are more knowledgeable and experienced than she.
>>
However, there are a lot of people who have underestimated her and are regretting it.
>>
>>
>> CLAIM VS FACT
*"Hockey mom": true for a few years
*"PTA mom": true years ago when her first-born was in elementary school, not since.
*"NRA supporter": absolutely true
*social conservative: mixed. Opposes gay marriage, BUT vetoed a bill that would have denied benefits to employees in same-sex relationships (said she did this because it was unconstitutional).
*pro-creationism: mixed. Supports it, BUT did nothing as Governor to promote it.
*"Pro-life": mixed. Knowingly gave birth to a Down's syndrome baby BUT declined to call a special legislative session on some pro-life legislation
*"Experienced": Some high schools have more students than Wasilla has residents. Many cities have more residents than the state of Alaska. No legislative experience other than City Council. Little hands-on supervisory or managerial experience; needed help of a city administrator to run town of about 5,000.
*political maverick: not at all
*gutsy: absolutely!
*open & transparent: ??? Good at keeping secrets. Not good at explaining actions.
*has a developed philosophy of public policy: no
*"a Greenie": no. Turned Wasilla into a wasteland of big box stores and disconnected parking lots. Is pro-drilling off-shore and in ANWR.
*fiscal conservative: not by my definition!
*pro-infrastructure: No. Promoted a sports complex and park in a city without a sewage treatment plant or storm drainage system. Built streets to early 20th century standards.
*pro-tax relief: Lowered taxes for businesses, increased tax burden on residents
*pro-small government: No. Oversaw greatest expansion of city government in Wasilla's history.
*pro-labor/pro-union. No. Just because her husband works union doesn't make her pro-labor. I have seen nothing to support any claim that she is pro-labor/pro-union.
>>
WHY AM I WRITING THIS?
>>
First, I have long believed in the importance of being an informed voter. I am a voter registrar. For 10 years I put on student voting programs in the schools. If you google my name (Anne Kilkenny + Alaska), you will find references to my participation in local government, education, and PTA/parent organizations.
>>
Secondly, I've always operated in the belief that "Bad things happen when good people stay silent". Few people know as much as I do because few have gone to as many City Council meetings.
>>
Third, I am just a housewife. I don't have a job she can bump me out of. I don't belong to any organization that she can hurt. But, I am no fool; she is immensely popular here, and it is likely that this will cost me somehow in the future: that's life.
>>
Fourth, she has hated me since back in 1996, when I was one of the 100 or so people who rallied to support the City Librarian against Sarah's attempt at censorship.
>>
Fifth, I looked around and realized that everybody else was afraid to say anything because they were somehow vulnerable.
>>
>> CAVEATS
I am not a statistician. I developed the numbers for the increase in spending & taxation 2 years ago (when Palin was running for Governor) from information supplied to me by the Finance Director of the City of Wasilla, and I can't recall exactly what I adjusted for: did I adjust for inflation? for population increases? Right now, it is impossible for a private person to get any info out of City Hall--they are swamped. So I can't verify my numbers.
>>
You may have noticed that there are various numbers circulating for the population of Wasilla, ranging from my "about 5,000", up to 9,000. The day Palin's selection was announced a city official told me that the current population is about 7,000. The official 2000 census count was 5,460. I have used about 5,000 because Palin was Mayor from 1996 to 2002, and the city was growing rapidly in the mid-90's.
>>
>> Anne Kilkenny
>> annekilkenny@hotmail.com
>> August 31, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
OBAMA FULL SPEECH: Offers Policy Specifics, Goes on Offense v. McCain
I cannot tell you how amazing this speech was as I watched it with 400 or so Democrats last night at Amsterdam Bar in Atlanta. He even talked about gay rights in a way that made me so proud to be a Democrat.
Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) addresses the DNC
Hillary Clinton shows why she was such a formidable candidate and why the Democrats' cup raneth over in this year's presidential primary. It was a shame that we had to pick one, but her speech shows the class, character, style, and intelligence that I love about Hillary... and that the Republicans never have understood and never will.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Governor Brian Schweitzer (D-MT) at the DNC
Some of you might have missed Gov. Schweitzer's folksy, fun, and brilliant performance at the DNC unless you are a C-SPAN watching nerd like me :)
Guys like this give me great hope that we can WIN this election despite all the nasty, negative, racist attacks the GOP will continue to throw at us.
Friday, June 13, 2008
What's Up with the Twink Worship?
Many of us have different definitions of what a "twink" is. I did an online search, and I had a heck of a time finding a good definition, although I did find one here. One that made me laugh was from something called "The Jargon File" which said a twink is "gay slang for a cute young thing with nothing upstairs (compare mainstream `chick')." That definition probably comes the closest to what I think of when I think of a twink. Combined with the requirement that you be under the age of 25, as well as having a certain amount of shallow vapidness... I'm not a fan of the twink.
Yet, I find that the gay community is virtually obsessed with them, including guys who would never stand a chance of landing a twink unless he first showed his bank statement. Lately, I've had a slew of friends who have expressed varying degrees of twink worship that I find disturbing. I've never liked the overly skinny mostly because I first felt that I could break them too easily. I'm a relatively strong man, and if I want to give my guy a bear hug, I do not want to have to worry that I'm going to break bones doing it. Then, after I gained weight myself, I had a new reason to dislike the twink: the twink's obvious, public, and utter disdain for my very existence.
I respect people having different things they are attracted to. Lord knows I have my own quirks. One thing I strive never to be, however, is downright rude. The twinks I've run into have made rudeness an art form. Last Thursday night when I was out for my birthday with friends, I was feeling pretty good, and I was smiling and nodding "hello" to anyone to caught my eye. It wasn't a come on; I was genuinely in a great mood and just being friendly. However, I started getting a string of disgusted looks, eye rolls, and heads whipping in the opposite direction that it threatened to sour my evening. And the perpetrators of this behavior were the twinks. Others either politely smiled back, ignored me, or otherwise didn't react - all fine reactions. But acting like I had walked up to them and asked to fuck them in a public toilet was uncalled for....but with twinks, I find it's typical.
Perhaps it is the worship all things young and thin in the gay community that causes twinks to think that they are better than anyone else who is NOT them. I have no idea, and I'm not particularly interested in why they behave the way they do. I do have friends who qualify as twinks who aren't such insufferable assholes, but they seem to be the exception that proves the rule. It's not like these twinks have anything to particularly be proud of. They are young, which is an accident of birth...but time spares none of us. They won't be twinks but a few years. They are skin and bones thin, and look like young boys for the most part....an accident of genetics, drugs like crystal meth, or both. They usually haven't even graduated college if they went at all. Many of them dropped out of school to work full time in retail, figuring that having money to go out and party was more important than an education. And those who are in college have the added irritation of feeling superior in intellect as well as body and looks....and they let you know it. Their favorite hangout is the gay bar or club, and they usually can be found there a majority of nights, even during the week. They sneer at those of us considered to old, too fat, or too WHATEVER to even breathe the same air they breathe. Yet the gay community as a whole worships them, even those who should know better.
Maybe this is what my friends feel when they meet some of the guys I date. Maybe they feel the same sense of frustration, thinking "What in the HELL is going through his head?!?" as they resist the urge to shake some sense into me. I don't know. It just makes me sad when I see great guys who have a lot to offer mindlessly chase twinks for relationships because they somehow fetishize the type. They think the twink they settle on will be different...one of the good ones. They somehow think that the nightly bar hopping, and the lack of a real career or motivation to excel in the one they are in is somehow going to change once they are together. Even when burned, my friends seem not to learn the lesson that perhaps they should expand their horizons a bit and be open to non-obvious attractions. That's a lesson I've had to learn. I have things that I'm heavily attracted to, but I don't limit myself to that. If I click with a guy, I'm open to pursuing that unless there is simply no attraction whatsoever. Sometimes you can't help that...no matter how great the guy, if there is zero interest, there is zero interest.
But the twink worship continues. For my part, I would be happy to let the twinks have their own little fantasy world where everyone can be young, rail thin, and "fabulous" forever going from bar to bar and party to party. Someday they all have to grow up (one hopes), even if that transition is tough for them. I just don't have the patience to deal with the drama and bullshit that twinks dish out. They have no interest in knowing me as a person, and I'm certainly not going to waste my time trying to convince them I'm worth knowing.
I just wish I could convince several of my friends of this....but I fear they may need to get hurt badly (again) in order to learn the lesson.
Yet, I find that the gay community is virtually obsessed with them, including guys who would never stand a chance of landing a twink unless he first showed his bank statement. Lately, I've had a slew of friends who have expressed varying degrees of twink worship that I find disturbing. I've never liked the overly skinny mostly because I first felt that I could break them too easily. I'm a relatively strong man, and if I want to give my guy a bear hug, I do not want to have to worry that I'm going to break bones doing it. Then, after I gained weight myself, I had a new reason to dislike the twink: the twink's obvious, public, and utter disdain for my very existence.
I respect people having different things they are attracted to. Lord knows I have my own quirks. One thing I strive never to be, however, is downright rude. The twinks I've run into have made rudeness an art form. Last Thursday night when I was out for my birthday with friends, I was feeling pretty good, and I was smiling and nodding "hello" to anyone to caught my eye. It wasn't a come on; I was genuinely in a great mood and just being friendly. However, I started getting a string of disgusted looks, eye rolls, and heads whipping in the opposite direction that it threatened to sour my evening. And the perpetrators of this behavior were the twinks. Others either politely smiled back, ignored me, or otherwise didn't react - all fine reactions. But acting like I had walked up to them and asked to fuck them in a public toilet was uncalled for....but with twinks, I find it's typical.
Perhaps it is the worship all things young and thin in the gay community that causes twinks to think that they are better than anyone else who is NOT them. I have no idea, and I'm not particularly interested in why they behave the way they do. I do have friends who qualify as twinks who aren't such insufferable assholes, but they seem to be the exception that proves the rule. It's not like these twinks have anything to particularly be proud of. They are young, which is an accident of birth...but time spares none of us. They won't be twinks but a few years. They are skin and bones thin, and look like young boys for the most part....an accident of genetics, drugs like crystal meth, or both. They usually haven't even graduated college if they went at all. Many of them dropped out of school to work full time in retail, figuring that having money to go out and party was more important than an education. And those who are in college have the added irritation of feeling superior in intellect as well as body and looks....and they let you know it. Their favorite hangout is the gay bar or club, and they usually can be found there a majority of nights, even during the week. They sneer at those of us considered to old, too fat, or too WHATEVER to even breathe the same air they breathe. Yet the gay community as a whole worships them, even those who should know better.
Maybe this is what my friends feel when they meet some of the guys I date. Maybe they feel the same sense of frustration, thinking "What in the HELL is going through his head?!?" as they resist the urge to shake some sense into me. I don't know. It just makes me sad when I see great guys who have a lot to offer mindlessly chase twinks for relationships because they somehow fetishize the type. They think the twink they settle on will be different...one of the good ones. They somehow think that the nightly bar hopping, and the lack of a real career or motivation to excel in the one they are in is somehow going to change once they are together. Even when burned, my friends seem not to learn the lesson that perhaps they should expand their horizons a bit and be open to non-obvious attractions. That's a lesson I've had to learn. I have things that I'm heavily attracted to, but I don't limit myself to that. If I click with a guy, I'm open to pursuing that unless there is simply no attraction whatsoever. Sometimes you can't help that...no matter how great the guy, if there is zero interest, there is zero interest.
But the twink worship continues. For my part, I would be happy to let the twinks have their own little fantasy world where everyone can be young, rail thin, and "fabulous" forever going from bar to bar and party to party. Someday they all have to grow up (one hopes), even if that transition is tough for them. I just don't have the patience to deal with the drama and bullshit that twinks dish out. They have no interest in knowing me as a person, and I'm certainly not going to waste my time trying to convince them I'm worth knowing.
I just wish I could convince several of my friends of this....but I fear they may need to get hurt badly (again) in order to learn the lesson.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Getting Older Doesn't Have to Suck
I turned 33 years old last Thursday. It still feels weird to say that, let alone type it. I remember when my parents were 33, since I was 8 years old then. That was the year that I started attending Sayre after the disastrous 2nd and 3rd grade merger in my public school. I can’t imagine having an 8 year old right now. Shoot, I can’t even find someone to date, let alone someone willing to share my life.
The night before my birthday, I was really wallowing in the self-pity. My dinner that night consisted of a bottle of Amarula, my favorite liqueur from southern
Then my actual birthday arrived. I was determined to feel bad all day about growing older, being alone, being overweight, and having no prospects that things would ever turn around. However, I started getting the legion of happy birthday notes and emails not only from Facebook but through general email. Many weren’t just birthday wishes but some said things like “Sure am glad you were born!” and “I hope you have a fantastic day!” I found it impossible to maintain my bad mood in the face of all this love coming from the greater world around me.
By the afternoon, I even had plans for my birthday night. At first, I had no plans at all, which also contributed to the general “I’m a loser” feeling I had approaching my birthday. My friend John had said that we’d go have dinner, but I hadn’t heard anything else about that. Turns out he forgot, but invited me to tag along on a planned trip to the Botanical Gardens for Cocktails in the Garden. I’d never been, so I decided to accept the invitation. Then I made dinner plans with Daniel, who just got paid, and was in the mood for some hibachi.
Dinner was great, as usual, and I left feeling stuffed. The Garden was nice, but it was HOT as hell. It didn’t really cool down until 8:30pm or so. The cocktails in the park were weak, too. We even had a stalker who followed us around after eavesdropping on the conversation in line.
After the garden, we decided to head to Apres Diem for some real drinks. I had four Hendrick’s martinis, extra dry, with a twist. They were really good. Turns out high quality gin tastes a lot better than the cheap stuff. The conversation was really good, and we definitely decided not to drive home. In fact, we didn’t go home at all, but walked to Blake’s where I proceeded to have 2-3 more gin and tonics.
Turns out I can hold my liquor better than John or Meg, so by the time we got a cab to take us back to their neighborhood in Grant Park, they were both pretty much passed out. We did get Meg in the house, and her sister drove John and I to his house where we crashed.
We awoke about 9am, and had to scramble to figure a way back to our cars. Luckily, Tim was driving to work, and when I told him the situation, he came and picked us up to return us to our cars. I had a presentation at 10:30am on the health plans for McCain and Obama, and I wasn’t feeling it. My head didn’t pound, but I sure did feel nauseated. Luckily, they had water, and I somehow muddled through it. I was a mess, but I didn’t care… my birthday had been a blast!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)